Another lesson learned about life with a child. You think that you’re barrelling along in one direction and then the winter norovirus turns up and you’re off in another direction entirely. Add into that all the social plans you made that are now upside down and rescheduled, and suddenly you have no idea which track you’re on. Or even if there is any track.

I suspect I am currently trackless.

In between the unsettled moments cribside I have found time to sew some straight lines, and have my umpteen nine patch squares ready for pressing. Now that this fun colourful part is done my next task will be to get hold of some white cotton to make the strips inbetween – oh for a jelly roll of precut solids!

I also need to figure out what I’m going to back it with, not to mention getting in the wadding. Would a double duvet cover be a good thing to chop up? It might make more sense than getting in metres of stuff that I have to both cut up and patch together for a piece wide enough for the back.

For the moment I’ll just do the pressing and move onto something else while I place orders for things on the internet. D’you know, a parcel came through the door today and it was for Mr J. I was quite disappointed because usually they’re for me….

When it comes to plans, I’m pretty good. I’ve got tons. One evening I sat down and quickly wrote the things I could be doing if I wasn’t writing down the things I could be doing; I ended up with an 8 point list, and those were just the projects at the forefront of my mind. I didn’t go anywhere near the back, where the dusty projects lie, having been overtaken by other newer shinier ideas. Project butterfly, that’s me. It’s not very productive if I’m honest, especially not now.

Since the sewing needs to be slotted in rather than pounced on in every spare moment I’ve realised that what I need is much more detailed planning. Unless I head to the sewing room with a clear idea of my objectives I’m much more likely to faff about stroking ribbons and pulling out the fabric drawers one by one (a common complaint), and since I notice that we’re sliding towards the middle of February rapidly if I don’t make some sort of plan soon, then I’m going to be scrambling for a make on the 28th. Now the boy naps for a maximum thirty minutes, so five minutes rooting around in the pattern stash, and another five in the fabric…

There’s an upcoming family party, and it will be the first time Fitz meets some of Mr J’s extended family. I am still cultivating a mum tum with restorative Kit Kats (so hard to give them up when you’re tired), although battling the same with the help of a pedometer. I walk everywhere with the boy in his buggy and I love it, although since I can’t do one thing without something else falling out of balance I feel constantly guilty about not using the car enough to justify the expense, and worry that the battery will die. We will have to go to Ikea for a rug to redress this. This is a roundabout way of explaining that I want to have something to wear but am unwilling to spend money in a shop, since I feel my shape is in flux.

The red jersey was bought with the intention of becoming a second cosmo dress, with long sleeves this time. Then it got stuffed in the stash because I was up the duff (a legitimate excuse!). Now I can’t decide if it should be the cosmo dress, or become a delicious dress, which I would wear as a tunic (and thank you to Lisa for tweeting the suggested combination of tunic and trousers.) While I was debating, I realised that whichever I chose I would be partaking not just in a Make a Month, but also in Experiments in Dressmaking, which is Florence’s new obsession (so thrilling considering how she always said she couldn’t do clothing). Not as experimental as making my own patterns, but it will do.

And so my next thought was that if 2010 should have sewing themes (because I don’t want to be left out here) then my theme ought to be finishing. I mean that in both senses; actually completing projects, and also completing them with care and precision. So often when I make things for myself (not for others I must add) I slap dash my way to the end because I get too excited and want to use whatever it is I’m making. It’s unsatisfactory. I also think I’m not learning anything new by ploughing on like that, so a bit of additional care and attention, and a little use of a sewing bible, even when I think I know something, might prove illuminating. I think as well it might help to restore some of the lost joy – sewing for the fair felt too much like work, and I’m not in it for that.

All aboard. I’m going to Finishing School.

You might have noticed that I had a little blogging break, over Christmas & darkest winter. It wasn’t planned but now that it’s over I see why it happened, and also see that it was entirely necessary.

Since I haven’t had what you might call a proper job for years I haven’t defined myself by my occupation for a long time. This isn’t always easy when you meet new people, who ask what you do in order to begin to give you some shape in their mind. It’s a very unsatisfactory way if going about thngs really, since I bet if you say you work in marketing that’s probably not what you think of as being your core self, but since people are messy and complicated and not ever just one thing it makes the small talk at parties easier, if a little dull. Months down the line, of course, everyone will be very surprised to find out you’re a champion kite surfer, zine writer & amateur shoe designer, and will tell you how surprising and interesting you are, which might perplex you because internally these are the things you use to define your self.

For a number of years I’ve had to go straight to the kite surfing when people ask what I do. I usually ended up apologising in some way for doing things with fabric, writing & cat sitting, because it’s not an easy answer and takes up more than the allotted time for the usual sort of answer. But everyone would say it was terribly interesting & look wistful, or say they wished they could do something like that, all the time forgetting that they were hiding their real self under a blanket marked ‘accounts manager’ or ‘information architect’. Over time it became easier to tell people that I wasn’t in the middle of a real career. I even stopped apologising, and realised I was quite comfortable with the ways I defined my self.

This is probably why I imagined that having Fitz would have less impact on my sense of self than it would if I’d had to stop trotting into an office. After all the things I did I did at home, and I wasn’t going anywhere. I would still be me, but there’d be a baby.

Which is true.

And yet…

The first six weeks are like living inside an explosion that is still happening. Everything is moving, nothing will settle and you get so little sleep you can’t see straight anyway. You also have to keep this little person alive, and you don’t even know who he is. He is familiar and strange, all at the same time, and speaks a language you don’t yet understand. Then he begins to smile, and interact with you, and you start to think that it’s ok, you can do this.

The next six weeks are a little easier, but he’s changing so fast that you still have to run to keep up. You know him better now though, and you can see patterns emerging. The days become a little easier, if still all encompassing, and a bit of your brain starts to think that something like normal might be possible in the near future. Without quite knowing it, you begin to wait for things to even out, and be as calm as they were before.

And sometime in the fourth month it truly dawns on you that the old normal is not coming back. You knew that when you signed up for this, but there is still a part of you that hadn’t really grasped what it would mean. This is the new normal – taking care of this little person every day, making sure he’s happy, and warm, and fed, and rested. There is still room for you, and the person you are, and the things you want to do, but the balance is different. Your days will always look different. Your plans will always be different.

And the next thing you realise is that you really don’t mind.

I thought I might resent the fact that I couldn’t wake up and make a spontaneous plan for the day, or have hours and hours to sit and sew, or read, or write, or wander into town on a whim and have lunch. True, it is frustrating sometimes that a task like slicing the fabric for the quilt squares can begin at 1pm and not get finished until 10pm, because it must be slotted in rather than just done when I feel like it, but this is a choice I am making.

I don’t know if this is a one time thing for me, but I know that Fitz’s babyhood is a one time thing for him, so I’m there. I can still fit in all the other parts of me that existed before, but they fit around the newest part of me, not the other way around. I define myself with reference to him, before all other things, and I wanted to take some time out there in the real world to understand what that means.

The new normal. It’s a fabulous thing.

The thing about being tired in the evenings is that I often don’t have the energy to sit up at the machine, and yet this is usually the only time I get to do crafty things during the week. I had planned on having the child that takes two hour naps, but my friend got that one, so I use my child’s thirty minute naps to do things like shower and half dry my hair, or eat porridge and have a hot cup of tea. I have thought of trying to sew in that time but I’ve realised that having lower expectations about a) the length of the nap and b) what I can realistically achieve in the time keeps me happier.

And then one day last month, I remembered about the crochet bag, and the balls of yarn that I picked up in a sale at John Lewis.

So I picked myself a project from the same book that gave us the kitten blanket, Simple Crochet by Erika Knight. The stripy throw is crocheted all in one piece, which really appealed after joining all the granny squares together. I love the finished blanket (and so does the cat it was intended for) but I really needed something I could pick up and put down, and not have to think about too much. The blanket is only one stitch, and all in straight lines, so all I have to do is refer to the pattern to find out when to change colours.

Of course I didn’t have enough of the yarn, and since it’s now discontinued it took a little hunt around the internet to find more, so my colour choices were partly dictated by what was available rather than my preferences, but I like what I have, and  as a bonus it was all half price. This is now my craft for weeknights, while I relax with a little Glee or some other cheerful and entertaining diversion.

Speaking of which…

I’ve decided to join Helen’s challenge for the year to make something every month using the stash. Oh the stash. Back when I first started sewing seriously I used to see people talking about their fabric stash, but at that point I was still buying for specific projects and had no idea how you could amass a stash of fabric and notions for which you have no plans. It seemed ludicrous and yet, here I am several years later, with a cupboard full of fabric, for which there are mostly no plans. Here’s how to go about getting your own stash if you don’t have one:

1. Become excited about your new sewing hobby & buy a book of projects, perhaps by Amy Butler or Amy Karol. Or both.
2. Earmark several projects you want to make & make a shopping list.
3. While you’re at it you might as well come up with several ideas of your own for things you want to make.
4. Expand shopping list accordingly, and add some things you know will come in handy one day, like zips, buttons, interfacing. (Yes, you should have learned to love interfacing by now)
5. Order some stuff online from your favourite retailers. Don’t worry about the extra stuff that falls into the basket because it looks interesting / inspiring
6. Make one project at the weekend instead of six because some friends came to stay and you went to the supermarket and you stayed up late watching a movie you’d already seen half of and you decided to make a cake and you went shopping for shoes.
7. Buy another sewing book and maybe some patterns by independent designers, because everything looks so interesting now your skills are improving. Make another shopping list.
8. Meet up with like-minded chums specifically for fabric shopping. Buy fabric for things you’ve already got fabric for because you forgot about the internet shopping you did. If the chums pick up anything nice get some too, and don’t worry what it’s for.
9. Decide it’s time you gave up buying small amounts and never get less than a metre of anything.
10. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Helen is right. It’s time to stop saving for best.

My first make for the year had to be a swift one because I came late to the party, so I settled on finally running up the ‘taggie blankie’ for the boy. Fittingly Helen herself provided two ingredients for it, in the minky for the back and in a sample of wadding she sent me last year, which I impulsively decided to use when I thought it ought to be slightly padded. I also used the fabric Kyoko sent as a present for Fitz’s birth, which seemed only fitting.

One thing I’ve always had trouble with is cutting into the precious Trefle tape, since it is so difficult and expensive to get here, but once you start it’s surprisingly easy to carry on, perhaps in this case because I was doing it for the wee one. How nice to see the various bits of ribbon, ric rac and tape sticking out ready for inquisitive little fingers!

This only took one episode of Grey’s Anatomy (yes I’m sewing to a box set again) thankfully or I’d never have finished it in January (Helen said I could have an extension but I like to play by the rules). February already, I see, and it’s a short month, so I’d best not take too long to figure out what I’ll be making next…

Thanks so much to Helen for the inspiration and starting the flickr group!

In the week leading up to the big weekend I spent a good deal of it worrying. Would I have enough to put on the table? Would there be enough for Fitz to eat in my absence? Would he manage ok with just his dad for company? Would I be be ok without him? Of course, it was all unnecessary worry, but no one ever knows when worry is unnecessary beforehand so I don’t really regret it.

I absolutely didn’t need to worry about the first question – this is the beauty of sharing a table with your chums. We had more than enough to fill the table, and in just one hour of frantic unpacking we had a full fabulous display. Since things were quite bonkers in the run up to the fair I was thrilling myself with the idea of catching up with Helen and Florence while we manned the stall, rather than the idea of selling oodles of things. As it was I sold enough to cover my costs, and was given cake for us to share by the caterers so had an almost free day out, with the added bonus of meeting lots of new faces, including Mary and her lovely girl. To top it off Lisa came too, and it was so good to have all four of us in the same place again after such a long time, giggling like loons. (There are photos but not on my camera…)

As for Fitz and Mr J, they had a very nice morning together and then came to join us in the afternoon. Fitz had lots of smiles for everyone, and enjoyed his day out so much that he rewarded us by sleeping through the night for the first time. It would have been blissful for me too, if I wasn’t well trained to wake up at 4am…

I am finally feeling Christmassy now the event is over, and have pulled the decorations out so that they’ll be up by the weekend. It all seems to be rushing up so fast that I’m simply not prepared at all. Today I took a walk through the park at dusk, pushing Fitz home in his pushchair. As the light faded the birds began their evening song, nestled safe somewhere in the silhouetted branches of the stripped trees. How much the park has changed since we began taking walks together, him and I, and how fast this life changing year has gone. Thank you for sharing it with me.

It must be ten years ago that I decided I wanted a sewing machine for Christmas. It was at the time another one of my whims, though as it happened it was a whim that stuck, one that now requires dedicated cupboards and drawers, and one little room of our house. I imagine that this Christmas there’ll be a fair few sewing machines under the tree for some lucky people just starting their fabric journey, but once you’ve unwrapped a shiny new machine what do you do? You want to try it out of course, and so race through the house looking for scraps of fabric and old clothes to practice on- I speak from experience here, you understand.

Alternatively you could also unwrap Cath Kidston’s Sew!, which your uber-savvy present giver will have also bought, and find you have your first project all cut out and ready for you, complete with buttons, so that you can have yourself a new shoulder bag in a few hours. (Though you might still want to practice on some old clothes first…Additional note to the sewing machine purchaser: get a spool or two of thread too or there’ll be frustrations on Christmas morning.)

I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about this book, but when the nice people at Quadrille sent me a copy to look at I was very pleasantly surprised. As with lots of sewing books aimed at the beginner there are sections on necessary equipment and how to get on with a sewing machine…

…together with pages on essential techniques. There’s just enough information so that a beginner could feel stretched, and learn something useful, and not so much that you’d feel frustrated with terminology and wonder when you get to the fun part.

The projects themselves are ranked from one to three thimbles in difficulty, so it’s easy to pick one out to suit your level (or push yourself a little). As suits a new sewist starting out the projects are homewares and bags for the main part – they use relatively small amounts of fabric, & can be finished quickly so that you get to the warm glow of ‘I made it’ satisfaction sooner rather than later.

Lots of ideas to keep you busy, and all of it in Cath’s unmistakable style. This would be a great gift if you do know someone who’ll be getting their first sewing machine at Christmas, not least for the ready to go project tucked into the cover, and if that someone is you then it’s well worth thinking about as your first sewing book. (There will be more, have no fear of that.)

One last thing – don’t forget to enter Lisa’s competition to win a lovely shiny new Janome sewing machine. I already own a super spanking Janome so I’m refraining from entering – it’s only fair :). So go – take your extreme sewing pictures and put yourself in the running!

In between balancing the baby on one arm and hanging up laundry with the other (I’d leave the laundry but we must have pants) I have managed to sneak myself into the sewing room for the odd half hour.

Here be proof. I began the make-up bags at the tail end of my pregnancy, and since Fitz decided to turn up a week before his due date (nice for me physically) they ended up languishing in the wip box. They’re now languishing on the desk, but I have at least written a series of post it notes for each step I need to do to complete them. And complete them I must because I am sharing a table with Helen and Florence at the We Make fair in Chelsea on 5th December. Yes I know, it’s very soon – they both said I was brave to even think of doing it. I suppose I’d assumed I’d have a child who took lovely long two hour naps. Oh the naivety of my previous life!

I also managed over a couple of evenings to cut out the jersey for this 3 Graces muslin (yes I’m calling it a muslin) and run it together on the overlocker. It is a very comfortable top to wear, but various reviews around the internet have said that it comes up a bit big, and I’d have to agree. It feels a bit tent like so I’m going to trace off a size down and see how that fits, and just wear this one in bed – nothing goes to waste here. Incidentally I got the jersey from this ebay seller – big range, good prices, fast despatch. I’m going to try the cross over version next but can’t promise progress before Christmas. You can mime my wry smile for yourself…

Is it time to confess that I owe Tim Berners-Lee an awful lot? More than that – pretty much everything, if I’m honest. If he hadn’t invented the internet, then I would never have been building a website for my boss in ‘97, and I would never have got chatting with Mr J, who lived far away, and there would never have been a meet up and I would never have met best friend Jo, and we would never have persuaded Mr J that moving to London was a good thing, and then we would never have got together, and moved in together, and got married and bought a house and got cats and had Fitz. I also would never have been able to connect with all the lovely crafty people, who have been so kind in sending things to celebrate Fitz’s arrival. Time for some public thanks…

Susanne sent this beautiful little jacket all the way from Germany, which she’d knitted by hand of course. It got great notices when he wore it for our trip to the cinema. Susanne’s been commenting on my blog for good few years now, and has an interesting, thoughtful blog of her own: creative.mother.thinking, where she talks about being a mum, musician, crafter, spinner and woman with wonderful honesty.

The Queen of Applique sent a little collection – lovely things for the boy decorated with beautiful playful cats. This one playing with a ball of string is one of my favourites. Since Fitz gets very happy when he sees our black cat in particular already, I know he’ll be happy. Of course as the mother of two little teacakes herself she has been very wise and sent things for 6m+ so it will be a little while before Fitz is in them, but he’ll look wonderful in them.

And Helen, despite being terribly busy herself, sent this wonderful knitted jacket, with funky fabric insert. He wore it out to my NCT meet up yesterday and had lots of nice compliments on his outfit. I’m so glad I leave the knitting up to other people – they’re so much more talented than me.

Kyoko is not someone I’ve met personally, but I’m convinced she’s delightful, and as if to prove it she sent me something for the baby that doubles as a treat for me. The book is full of baby patterns all for the overlocker (or lock machine as they call it in Japan) – all deeply cute and practical. Unfortunately it makes me want to go back to Japan, and also start studying Japanese again since I’ve realised I probably don’t even know the 103 kanji I knew for level 4 anymore. That’s all beside the point. The book is gorgeous, and so is the fabric she sent with it, which I keep picking up just to look at because it’s lovely.

Lastly, I should point out that this post has taken days to put together, what with trying to manage photos, and get ten minutes together to write it. While I try to snatch time for the next post you can find me more frequently twittering away, because this is much more easily achieved with one thumb and an iPhone.

In the middle of my pregnancy I had a mini wardrobe sort out and moved the things I could still wear to one end. This meant I could only open one door of the wardrobe and not be taunted by some favourite things that simply would not fit. Hilariously even though I knew it would be impossible I’ve been trying on some of those items, and becoming slightly downcast that they will not accommodate the giant boobage I am now graced with. Actually grace is not a word I should be using in the same sentence – man, they are unwieldy.

However, I did slip on the trusty old cosmo dress and found that it fitted (with the right undergarments). Of course! It’s a knit! There lies the answer. I bought some red jersey in February that needs to made into another cosmo I think, this time with long sleeves for the winter, and yes I’ve checked – the wrap front allows for boob access so I can still feed the bottomless pit we call Fitz. Not entirely sure when I’ll get the time to get in there and get it cut out, never mind sewn up, but I do feel like I could do with some time behind the needle, and maybe I just have to force the issue with myself.

The other things I’ve planned for my fourth trimester wardrobe are the new t-shirts and trousers from Hot Patterns, which finally arrived at the weekend, thanks to the postal strikes. (I mean, up the workers and all that, but selfishly I wanted my patterns…) That cowl neck t-shirt is almost identical to an old Jigsaw favourite that the moths got to, and I’m deeply excited to think I can replace it (if I can find decent jersey of course). Shortly after I placed the order Trudy only went and released two new patterns, and I love the look of the dress (for which there is an excellent tutorial on youtube, which should just be compulsory viewing if you want to make clothes/use knits/do both).

The pattern for the t-shirt is traced off and cut out (go me!), so I’ll hopefully be able to do a trial run sometime over the next week, and see where I am with sizing. And no, there is no photo to accompany this post but I hope to remedy that with the next one, and a good one at that.